So my ultimate goal in life is to one day become a writer. Being in dual recovery and having a twisted past I’ve always wanted to share my story about my long-term addiction to opiates, along with my mental health issues. Where it all began, how, why and what lengths I went to bring it to a screeching halt. I want to write this story in hopes of conveying some inspiration and insight from one addict to another, whether they’re in active addiction or recovery. Also to the loved ones who are affected by this horrific disease on a regular basis. To spread the message of hope to any individual who may be ready to give up on themselves indefinitely. There is hope for anyone out there who may be struggling with this complex problem and if my story can change lives and make a difference then the purpose is fulfilled. Just one way I could give back to society. I’ll be sharing bits and pieces of my writings so I hope you will enjoy reading them. Happy Monday and God Bless.

#writing #authors #addiction #recovery #hope #serenelife #recovery #mentalhealth

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I never realized how much I could love another human being until I carried you inside of me for nine whole months. Then you graced me with your beautiful presence at six pounds – fourteen ounces. My life had changed forever and it changed for the best, because you have brought out the very best in me. You are my precious gift from up above and God gave me you.

I know that things have been difficult my son but remember that even the biggest, baddest storms don’t last forever. Sometimes we must walk through the darkness in order to find the light. This too shall pass.

I cherish each and every moment that I get to share with you. I’m grateful for those times and I thank God for that blessing every chance I get. You are my whole world, the air I breathe, thr sunshine that lights up my days, and the reason I will do what is righteous for your own well-being. First and foremost, you are my purpose in life. Thank you for giving me a reason to live, because of you I will never give up on us and one day we will all be back together again as a whole. I think about that day all the time and I even dreamt of it happening. That dream will come true.

There are also times I find myself worrying about you also, but at the same time I know that you’re in safe hands.I pray that God watches over you at all times. Also, be sure to say your prayers every night before you lay your head down to sleep. That is essential.

#family #son #faith #hope #love #writing

The solution to depression is to treat that person with compassion rather than telling them their brain is defective.

Depression is the unseen, unheard and the silent killer. It’s the pain that’s too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and normally misunderstood. You can’t escape. it no matter how hard you try – because it follows you around like a black shadow that’s eating you up on the inside.

Depression means without sound, the mind plummets downward into less and less light, and darkness beyond measure. Is there a bottom to the mind’s pain? Is there any branch of hope, or something to catch or hold on to? How much darkness can one take without any light? Oftentimes, it seems that hope cannot come from within us, it has to enter from the outside. Even a small ray of hope will reveal his power whenever we have none at all. In a downward plunge, a strong hand reaches, catches us and halts our drowning from the bottomless gloom. He pulls us up and we breathe in his light. It’s not total relief yet, but it is a start.

#depression #mentalhealth #writer #recovery #hope

Insomnia haunts my nights, fatigue rules my days and when I need to be lucid and clear, my brain begs for unconscious sleep at any price. Then come the hours of darkness as I’m lying in bed, my mind lights up with new possibilities – new sources of disaster and danger. Perhaps I have inherited bipolar disorder amongst the other disorders I already have engraved in me. As I try immensely to relax and regain my calm, I begin to count those furry little sheep but all they do is tell me what can go sour tomorrow as a result of some avoidable blunder I created today. A sharpened mind is all I need for the day that lies ahead of me.

I lay here fully awake observing the vibrant orange and pink colors that fill the morning sky as the sun makes it’s first appearance of the day. It’s not as enchanting as it sounds because I have an immense issue with insomnia. I’m lacking the rejuvenation I need to conquer this day and questioning myself as to whether or not I can make it through this ass dragging day without any complicated moments of crazy insanity. Hmmmm good question…

I have emails to respond to, a gradution party that I’m not crazy about attending anyhow and a kid to visit again – and right there that time spent consumes a full tank of energy alone. Yes, that was supposed to be a little bit of sarcasm twisted up into an inspiring ball of reality. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

It’s now 8:50am my time in Southwest Pennsylvania, Eastern Daylight Time that is and I’m starting to get a little heavy-eyed. That’s normally when my insomnia goes from it’s finest straight to full-blown exaustion at it’s worst. πŸ˜‚ Bottom line is I need the strength and ability to keep this day dominant. I’m pretty confident that I have enough caffeine to do so, however, I’m not so sure about the strength and ability though. I am about to find out a lot sooner rather than later as my experience begins to unfold in a short duration of time. Wish me luck everyone. Happy Sunday to all of you and God bless. πŸ’šπŸŒ·β˜ΊπŸ–πŸ“š

#insomnia #mentalhealth #futureauthor #comical #funny #compelling #writer

Today was awesome. I had a nice time with my sonshine. We went to dinner at his favorite place (Cracker Barrel) then went shopping at Wal-Mart. After shopping at Wal-Mart and the mall, we grabbed some ice cream and went for a nice, peaceful walk along the nature trail at Raccoon State Park. A thirty minute drive away into the scenic countryside and more priceless moments made with an amazing little guy that means the whole world and more to me.

When we got to the nature trail took the slowest walk and had a fun time just talking about everything, from life to cracking the littlest jokes. We had a wonderful time together and the scenery awed us both. Living so close to this place and we’ve never seen this breathtaking walk in the park ever before. I enjoyed this beautiful place and couldn’t ask for a better person to share the experience with. It’s the little things in life that matter the most sometimes. I can’t say “sometimes” because when it involves JJ it always matters the most to me. Time with my son was always crucial but now that I’m not present in his life on an everyday basis it goes far more deeper than it ever has. Tomorrow is a brand new day but it’s not promised. I tend to live by those words and make the best of every opportunity I can with my loved ones. I only have a few that seem to care in real life, but quite a few I’ve conversed with on here and believe it or not, that means so much to me. I feel like I’ve obtained a good support system on this blog site and I can say that it’s more than what my own family has given me. Thank you so much to all, you’re awesome! It’s been a long day so I need to catch some sleep. Much love and respect to all and God bless. πŸ’™

#familytime #recovery #writing #inspiration #son #mother #mentalhealth

  • I’m sitting outside on the back deck at my friend’s house. Enjoying the peace and quiet but pondering on the past. If I could only go back in time and erase my mistakes. I wish it was that easy, if it was I wouldn’t be sitting in this jammed up boat that I’m floating in now. Then again, I’m in this boat for a reason. One day the answer will come into the light and the answer will become clear and evident.

Today I spent the whole afternoon with my son and it was a good Friday to close out the week. He makes my days so much brighter and tomorrow we have plans for our date night. We are going to dinner, a movie and maybe some shopping if time allows it. I am looking forward to it and I couldn’t be happier. I will be sharing and broadcasting the whole date. I’m not one for dressing up too often but I will be wearing my little black and grey dress and heals. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

Now it’s time to call it a night. I’m exausted. Mentally, physically and spiritually. I’m going to bed so I can regain my rest so I can be ready for tomorrow. Stay tuned and I’ll be sharing all throughout the day beginning tomorrow morning. Have a good night my fellow bloggers and God bless.

#gratitude #addiction #family #love #hope #inspiration

October of 2001 – My eyes slowly opened as I roused from a night of unconscious rest. Once reality hit me so did the agony of a splitting migraine that pounded through my head like a ceaseless jackhammer that wouldn’t shut off. I rarely got headaches but the few times a year I was encountered with one it became instantly unbearable. It was 5:30am and I had to go to work. I crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom cupboard to get some Tylenol. Shaking them out of the bottle I popped three into my mouth and chased them down with a full glass of water. I never was one to take medication unless it was absolutely needed. I barely ever took my Adderall which was prescribed to me for many years. I never wanted to believe that I needed a medication to function throughout the day. Focusing was an obstacle in my life however, I strived immensely to go without the stimulant. Some days were difficult but I managed to get by.

At 6:30am I was walking into work where I was employed as a restaurant manager. I was still in pain and I wasn’t one to call off. The Tylenol I had swallowed an hour before was not serving my throbbing head any justice. I walked into the office and hung up my jacket and purse, then sat down in front of my computer and began working on my food and supply orders for the following week. A few minutes later my fellow employee came into the office to clock in.

“Hey girl what’s wrong with you? You look horrible.” she said, concerned as she was punching the time clock.

“I don’t know Terr – I woke up with this crazy insane headache and for the life of me I can’t get it to subside.” I replied, as I was looking downward, holding my head with both hands as I sat at my desk. I was feeling slightly dizzy by this time, pondering on whether or not going in was a big mistake.

After Terrilyn punched into the time clock she reached into her purse and pulled out a blue prescription bottle. “I have just what you need to clear that migraine right up.” She said with a smile on her face, shaking the pill bottle. She walked over and opened up the bottle, pulling one out and putting it into my hand. “Within an hour you will feel like a brand new woman.” She said.

“Really? What is this?” I asked, concerned about the pill she gave me.

“It’s a prescription strength pain med, they were in my grandmother’s medicine cabinet after she passed last month and she was taking them after she had hip surgery.”

“Oh…okay what are they–” Interrupted by Terrilyn

“They’re called Oxycontin, forty milligrams – just trust me you’ll thank me later.” She said, walking out of my office to service the customers who came in for coffee and breakfast.

“Okay thanks babe.” I said. I was still in pain but at the same time I was apprehensive about taking an unfamiliar medicine that wasn’t prescribed to me. What would it do? How would it affect me? Would it make me feel worse? I questioned myself, contemplating on taking the pill. After fifteen minutes of debating I finally swallowed it, chasing it down with my cinnamon spice flavored coffee.

(To be continued)

#writing #futureauthor #inspiration #addiction #recovery #inspiration

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