Oftentimes I find myself reflecting on the past. Starting out with the good memories that I once knew, then taking me straight back to those traumatizing events that I can never seem to get passed. Today I still find myself struggling with the pain that I put my loved ones through while I was out there using every illicit drug I could get my hands on. At the time, I never realized how badly I was hurting myself with the wrongful decisions that a made. I had a choice get as to whether or not I wanted to use for those many years of hell on earth, but my son, husband, and parents did not. Nor did they ask to be right in the midst of my horrifying agony. But they were and that’s the part I struggle with immensely.
No one ever wakes up on any given morning with the ambition of becoming an addict. They don’t say to themselves ” I’m going to pop some pills, or shoot some dope and see where it takes me.” An addiction rarely, if ever starts out that way. Generally, in most cases, an addiction emerges as a result of peer pressure, being on prescription pain pills for relatively large period of time, it can be heredity or one begins to experiment with the substance and very quickly becomes addicted. Some of us are born with an addictive personality and that makes us more susceptible of being I influenced by their peers. It doesn’t make us horrible, weak people but if you were to ask certain members of my family they would tell you a whole different story.
Hence what other’s say, I strive each day to be the best that I can be, live my life to the fullest and try to move forward into this new chapter of my life. They say in the N.A. Program that you must forgive yourself entirely before any progress at recovery can be accomplished. That is true but I haven’t made it quite that far just yet. Some wounds need more timeto heal than others. But. One day I will slowly but surelyget to that peaceful place in my life. Thanks for reading and God bless!
#addiction #struggles #hope #serenity #recovery